Golden skin, his to touch, to feel, to taste...slender fingers that knew his body, knew the path they traced along the curve of his spine, just like he knew the sweet curve of the hips pressed against him, the long legs wrapped around his, the body welcoming him in...Sweet heaven, why had he ever denied himself this? Been so afraid? The red, swollen lips beckoned and he tasted sweat, and himself in there, and the rasp of the stubble against his face was the sweetest torture...
Jack remembered. He jerked awake, the sheet pooling around his waist, his skin slick with sweat. Alone in bed...when he shouldn't be. The realization taunted and teased him with the promise of warmth, of the dream.
He remembered. Not an event, not a place, not a moment -- just the knowledge that he loved.
Daniel who should be next to him. Daniel who had been tormenting his dreams since P3R- 118.
P3R-118 -- Jack remembered that all too clearly. Remembered that he knew Thera, felt something for Tor...but not Harlan...not Daniel.
Icy fingers of dread gripped him, forcing him to move, to make this right.
Jack pounded on the door again, caught in the grip of fear, letting it fuel him, making him desperate. He didn't care that other doors on the floor had opened, with cautious, sleepy people blinking at him in irritation.
All that mattered was Daniel.
The door opened suddenly and Daniel was just there, sleepy and as unhappy as the rest of his neighbors. Hair tousled from sleep, dressed in sweatpants and T-shirt and all Jack could think was how right he looked. How fucking wonderfully right he looked. This was where Jack belonged. Not alone in a dark house, and a big bed. Here. This had to work.
"Jack?" Daniel said confused. He squinted at Jack before he remembered he held his glasses.
"What's wrong?" Daniel ran a hand through his hair, the confusion more evident than ever. Jack thought he had never seen anything so beautiful.
"Hey..." was all Jack managed before he succumbed to temptation by swooping in and locking onto Daniel's lips, tasting sleep, and little bit of mint that hinted at toothpaste...and all Daniel. He invaded Daniel's mouth, his space until they were wrapped around each other...and Jack...he was home.
"I love you," he said fiercely in between kissing any part of him he could reach and propelling Daniel backward until they were inside the narrow hallway. Jack managed a swift kick, and the door slammed satisfyingly shut behind them.
"How I love you..."
The words seemed the most natural, the most right thing to say, and they fell from his lips with ease, taking with them the weight on his soul that he realized had been there for longer than P3R-118. Daniel was his light, his other half, and Jack felt whole again. Until he realized the man in his arms was still -- terrifyingly and utterly still.
Daniel blinked at him owlishly from within the circle of his arms, and Jack finally had to wonder if he knew. He was screwing this up even before it could properly begin. Jack let him go and stepped back deliberately, needing the space to think. He ignored how utterly bereft he felt at the absence of Daniel in his arms and how he began to babble.
"I've been having dreams since P3R-118...I thought...I didn't know what to think...but now it makes sense, I mean -- it's us..." Jack stammered flailing about for the right words. He was drowning in Daniel's silence, in the confusion in his eyes. Daniel frowned, and Jack was drowning in that too because of an insane urge to kiss it away and to smooth Daniel's brow. But he held his distance. Daniel didn't remember.
"You and I were...are lovers," Jack said. There he said it and knew that his face had flushed red. Only Daniel could do that to him without even trying. Jack remembered to breathe, and then spoke.
"What I mean to say, is I love you."
It was like the dawn, a feeling that came from the deepest recesses of his heart, a place he had not dwelled in for too long and only now, in the presence of this man, felt -- alive.
"What about Sam?" Daniel asked softly, and Jack wanted to weep because he knew how much that would have hurt Daniel, even as he knew, what Jona and Thera had, Sam and Jack never would. He would never want to -- not any more. They could never compare to Daniel and Jack.
"That was Thera and Jona," Jack said. Daniel barely acknowledged his answer, bowing his head too easily, but not before Jack saw the pain and the disbelief there.
Jack moved, settling Daniel's arms at his waist before he tilted Daniel's face up and cradled it gently.
"I love you. Sam is my friend, and that's all. Nothing happened on P3R-118. We were there without the regs and the Air Force, and all I felt was that I knew her, that I cared about her, but that's it," Jack said carefully. Daniel's eyes flittered closed and his face slipped from Jack's grasp. Jack couldn't move, didn't want to, because the hands at his waist were still there, digging into his skin.
"Then why didn't you remember me?" Daniel asked plaintively, his voice so broken, so small that Jack did weep then because there was no answer to give that wouldn't hurt.
"I think maybe I was afraid."
He spoke before he could dwell too much on the words.
"Afraid?" That bewildered tone again.
"Of you. Because I love you. Because I need you, like I need air...I need you to breathe Danny, and Colonel O'Neill doesn't need anything," Jack said hoarsely. Because needing means losing.
Daniel's face softened at the words. He looked down for a moment, before he began to speak.
"I dreamed too," he confessed shyly. "I dreamed I kissed you, I dreamed you were with me, and when you're not, nothing makes sense, and Jack, I haven't slept a wink since we got back."
A half-sob escaped Jack at that. He would take what he could get. He reached for Daniel, their bodies moving against each other before they were kissing, and Jack thought that there was nothing better on this Earth than Daniel's kisses, and that he would do anything to keep them. To keep him.
Jack caught Daniel's groan of protest with a kiss. The urge to tell Daniel this was overwhelming. Daniel had to know, he had to know now that Jack would do anything to be with him. Jack obeyed the instinct, refusing to question it, or the desperation that fueled it.
"Whatever it takes Danny, I want this to be right, and nothing, not Hammond, not the SGC, not the regs, is going to keep me from you," he said. Daniel, those gorgeous blue eyes wide, looked at him in disbelief, and Jack wondered how could he not know this? He loved Daniel, how could he not know how much? He shook himself free of that. He'd remember later.
"Do you know what you're saying Jack?"
"I'm saying, that I'm yours, Danny. Heart and soul, body and busted knees included, for as long as you'll have me."
Daniel burst out laughing, the corners of his eyes crinkling in amusement. Jack had the fleeting thought that he hadn't heard that in a while -- Daniel laughing -- careless and carefree.
"Shut up and kiss me," Daniel ordered and then beat him to the punch anyway.
Lips still locked, they lived out Jack's cliched dreams, flinging clothes as they went, destroying a lamp with a careless throw that sent the shirtless Daniel into a fit of giggles.
"Leave it," Daniel said leading Jack into the bedroom. They fell to the bed in a tangle of arms and legs before their bodies found their places, found how they moved together. Golden skin, fluid movement, sinuous body moving against his, encouraging him.
"If I remember correctly," Daniel said in between laps at the hollow of Jack's neck, "there's lube in the top drawer there." Jack laughed at that, before he found that Daniel's memory was,indeed, returning.
"Daniel..." Jack gasped, seconds, minutes, hours later as he felt Daniel's body resist, a sweet burn, that consumed him, but still made him complete. Jack began to move, their faces inches apart. He wanted to memorize it all -- each line, each gasp from red lips that parted slightly everytime he moved, each flicker of the thick curtain of lashes that hid Daniel's desire. All of which left Jack wondering how he could ever forget, and then vowing never to forget by imprinting the image, this Daniel in his mind, in his soul. Jack watched as if he hadn't before, awed at Daniel, humbled that this man was his.
"Jack..." was the only warning he got before Daniel moved and he was on the bed now, Daniel straddling his hips. Jack arched, in so deep, he was afraid that Daniel would be hurt, even though the slick heat enveloping him was fucking amazing. They were making love for the first time, the umpteenth time, but still this was heaven. Hands pressed to his chest, Daniel began to move, slow at first, achingly slow, that Jack thought he would weep at being so close and still wanting more.
"Daniel...please..." he managed. Daniel gave no sign that he'd heard Jack's plea, his eyes so dark and unfathomable Jack wasn't sure Daniel was there.
"Daniel?" He said, making it a question. This time Daniel heard because blessedly he began to move, taking Jack in deeper...a single tremulous gasp echoed in the room before Jack heard, "I love you" and it was enough for him. More than enough.
Daniel glanced at clock.
2:30am and Jack snored next to him.
Jack, next to him. He looked at Jack, at the lines etched into the face that even sleep could not soothe away, and knew he was in love. He knew it -- like he knew the first time he dreamed, he dreamed of Jack. Daniel wondered if this time it would be enough, especially when they remembered.
He had to make the call. Daniel wanted to leave it, wanted to desperately ignore the messages on his answering machine - a time and place, that's all. Not Jack's voice. He was just glad he'd erased it before Jack came over. Like he was glad he'd unpacked the overnight bag that had been sitting on his bed.
But he couldn't..
With the dreams came the snatches of fights that never seemed to end, like the silences that neither of them had the strength to break, until giving up seemed like the only thing left to do. He glanced over at Jack again.
He believed Jack this time. Believed that they could make this thing between them work.
Daniel rose carefully. He grabbed the handset on the side table and took it into the bathroom with him.
He dialed. That number he remembered.
"Hi," Daniel said awkwardly. He steeled himself, and began to speak.
"It's over. I can't do this anymore."
His hand curled into the basin for support. He could get through this. For Jack. Jack didn't have to know.
"No. Look, don't call again. It's just over. Please," he begged. Daniel moved to the door, pushed it open until he could see Jack asleep. His lover's face.
"I love him," Daniel said simply before he ended the call. There it was done, over and he would never see him again. Never go to the bar again either. All that mattered was the man on the bed. Waiting for him.
Daniel flicked the light off and returned to the bedroom. He replaced the handset and slipped back into the bed.
"Hey..." Jack mumbled.
"Sorry,"Daniel said quickly. "Had to use the bathroom." He moved in close to Jack, his hands resting lightly on his lover's cheek. Jack blinked at him sleepily.
"Missed ya," he whispered.
No more silences, no more.
"I missed you too..."
|Genres:||Angst, Drama, Missing Scene/Episode-Related|
|Summary:||Post "Beneath the Surface." Jack remembers. So does Daniel.|