5. Those Pesky Kids Are Getting Cheeky! by Sara
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Category: General
Genres: Friendship, Holiday, Humor
Rated: Teen
Warnings: None
Series: Those Pesky Kids!
Summary: Jack POV/Humour. Genius, challenges, sticky situations, and a cheeky archaeologist! Jack's adventure continues with the kids in the UK!

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Story Notes:
Here's part 1 of 4. If you haven't already, you might want to read 'Those Pesky Kids', 'Those Pesky Kids Again!', 'Those Pesky Kids Give Me No Respect!' and 'Those Pesky Kids Can Go Fish!' first. This story will make far more sense if you do! ;-) Enjoy! x

I’m a genius.

It’s official.

You see the kids over there? Dr ‘I need to know everything in the entire universe and do in fact know most of it already’ Jackson, and Major ‘quantum babble wormhole babble no one will ever be able to keep up with my mind’ Carter. Not to mention Master ‘the galaxy has been my playground since before you were born, oh and I can crush you with my bare hands’ Teal’c. Well today, my astounding geniusness and intellect even surpasses theirs! Hey, quit sniggering. It’s true!

We’re in a supermarket and guess what I found? That’s right, my friends. This is going to be a good day!

“SG-1, front and centre!”

There is a small possibility that I resemble the proverbial cat that not only got the cream, but also managed to get its paws on the whole damn creamery, all the machinery, and even the cows. I’m trying to look calm and collected, but I’m sure bouncing on the balls of my feet isn’t helping.

“Everything okay, Jack?”

“New orders, kids. This will have to suffice as your mission briefing. Daniel, get three BIG bags of popcorn. Carter, you get the beer and soda. Not diet, Major. Teal’c, you’re in charge of potato chips and dip. I’ll get the chocolate and marshmallows. Move out, people!”

Carter looks a bit bemused, but like a good little soldier, she stands tall and replies, “Yes, Sir,” before disappearing down the drinks aisle.

Teal’c’s vanished too. Just the fact that I’ve uttered the words popcorn, chips, dip, chocolate and marshmallows in the same sentence is enough for Teal’c to follow my orders without question. Evidently, an explanation is not necessary.

“Jack, what are you doing?”

Daniel, on the other hand, is now following on my heels as I walk down towards the checkouts. He’s like one of those little yappy lap dogs, bouncing up and down and biting at my ankles in an attempt to extract information. You know how he gets.

“Exactly what I set out to do, Dannyboy. We are continuing your education.”

“My education?”

“Your very important education, Daniel.”

“Right. Uh, Jack, what’s that you’ve got in your hand?”

“Oh, this? It’s just a DVD.”

“I see that, and I take it from the orders for popcorn, soda and dips, that we’ll be watching said DVD?”

“Oh yeah!”

Do I look smug? I think I look smug.

“I’m also correctly assuming this mystery DVD and the ‘very important education’ you so casually mentioned a moment ago are directly and inexplicably linked together?”

How does he always manage to use so many words to say the simplest things?


“What is it?”

Crap, I wasn’t going to tell him until later. Damn Daniel and his infuriating and irresistible determination.


“What’s the DVD, Jack?”

Okay, obviously he’s not going to let this go. The crossed arms, narrowed eyes and ‘tell me right now!’ pout are unmistakable. Any sane person, with even a hint of self-preservation, knows to ignore that look at his own peril.

So, it’s time for me to reveal my plan. As Mom used to say, it’s all in the presentation. To pull off a truly spectacular surprise, and thus elicit a positive reaction from your overly suspicious and annoyingly persistent friend, one must adopt the mental teachings and acrobatically balanced mindset of Mama O’Neill.


I must take a moment to prepare - close my eyes and concentrate. Deep breaths - in…. and out.


Every ounce of my enthusiasm and exquisite personality must be dripping over my forthcoming words and actions. Only this will enable me to break through Daniel’s defences. You can do it, Jack, my lad.

“Jack, what are you doing? You’ve got a face like a slapped turtle.”

Okay, perhaps I’m doing it wrong. Come on, Mom! Help me out here!

Mental discipline. I can do this. Okay, step, turn, leap, twirl and dismount!

“Ta daaaa!!”

The DVD is plastered so close to Daniel’s nose, he has to lean back so he can focus on the title.

“Little shop of Horrors. You’re asking me to watch Little Shop of Horrors, Jack?!”



I offer him a little moral support and drape a friendly arm across his shoulders.

“No. I’m forcing you to watch Little Shop of Horrors. There’s a difference.”

“I see.”

He’s smirking. There’s definitely a hint of a smile there. He’s trying to hold it in, but it’s just not working.

“So, what was the little dance for?” He grins, while twirling his finger in the air.

“What little dance?”

“You went like this.”

Uh oh! Step, turn…. God, no! Please tell me I didn’t actually do it. It’s supposed to be mental!

“It was very impressive, Jack.”

Daniel is so loving this! The little shit’s grinning like a five year old who’s just got away with duct-taping the family hamster to the ceiling.

“Nicely presented too I might add, Jack - just the right amount of finesse. And that twirl was…”

“Go! Get outta here, Daniel. Popcorn, now!”

“Yes, Sir, Mr Travolta, Sir!”

That’s it! I need to speak to Teal’c about that Jaffa revenge thing. I think I might be needing it.

Now, what was I doing? Ah yes, chocolate and marshmallows!

On to Part 2!
Chapter End Notes:
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