A Perfect Gentleman by Whisper99
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Category: Jack/Daniel
Genres: First Time, Humor
Rated: Mature
Warnings: None
Series: None
Summary: Daniel goes on a mission and things don't turn out quite the way it was planned.

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Author's Chapter Notes:
Jack/Daniel Ficathon Assignment
Request: Jack having to pretend to be "gay", Daniel having to pretend to be Jack's lover, and finding they roooly like it; offworld project or mission involving the former.

Notes: Special thanks to my Betas Carrie & Haku! They are now wuvved and adored by me! Also special thanks to the ladies over in OS forum for suggesting names!
“Receiving IDC code, sir. It’s the Tok’ra.”

Hammond frowned slightly, then nodded and gave the order.

“Open the iris.”

The iris opened and moments later Jacob Carter appeared. He looked up and waved at the control room above him.

“Hello, George. I’ve got some interesting news for you.”

“Come on up, Jacob.”

- - - - - - - -

Jacob settled himself comfortably on one of the chairs and shook his head as Hammond offered him coffee.

“No thanks, George. Selmak doesn’t like what the caffeine does to me,” he said with a smile. “I’m here because I came across some interesting information while searching out the rest of the Tok’ra.”

Hammond poured himself some coffee and sat down.


“There’s a planet named Borelia and there’s a holy city there that’s been built around some ruins,” he said as he pulled something out from the inside of his shirt and slid it across the desk towards Hammond.

“What’s this?” Hammond asked as he lifted the tablet and looked it over.

“Well, I’m hoping Daniel can confirm this but Selmak thinks it’s written in Ancient.”

“That’s very intriguing, Jacob. Let me call Dr. Jackson.”

Hammond set the tablet back onto the desk, reached over and picked up the phone. His fingers were poised above the numbers when Jacob interrupted him.

“Hold on a second, George. There are some particulars that I think we need to discuss with Jack first.”

George quirked a brow, nodded and instead made the call to Colonel O’Neill.

- - - - - - - - -

In the briefing room, Hammond, Jack and Jacob sat around the table and discussed the mission.

Jack idly fingered the stone tablet in front of him.

“Tell me again why my team isn’t in on this meeting?” he asked.

Jacob offered him a tight smile.

“Jack, this city isn’t exactly a nice place to visit.”

Jack raised a brow as he leaned forward and pointed a finger at Jacob.

“You don’t want Carter to go, do you? C’mon Jacob, you know she can take care of herself.”

“No, it’s not that. They don’t allow females to enter the holy city,” Jacob explained.

Jack made a face and bit back a sarcastic remark.

“Oh…okay. Religious nuts, I take it?”

“Something like that,” Jacob said.

Jack shifted in his seat, and tapped at the table in front of him with the fingers of his right hand.

“Okay then, she doesn’t get to have fun with us boys. We’ll just have to tell her all about it when-"

“There’s more, actually,” Jacob said, before Jack could continue.

Jack scoffed at that. He gave Hammond a look and then turned a steady gaze to Jacob.

“Of course. I’m surprised you’re telling us now and not waiting until the last minute.”

“Jaffa can’t enter the city, either,” Jacob said, smiling ruefully.

“Ah. So no Teal’c. Right. So, anything against Goa’ulds in general? Ah…sorry, I mean, Tok’ra?”

“No. They are just really big on questioning those who enter the city and what purpose they have there. It is a holy city, after all.”

“Okay, so what’s our cover?” Jack asked.

Jacob took a deep breath and, eying Jack, carefully considered his next words.

“Well, I’m proposing that I go with Daniel alone. We’ll fly in on my tel-tak. They don’t have a Stargate, by the way. My cover will be that of a merchant, there to negotiate a contract or two to export some control crystals. Daniel would play the role of my dutiful son who has shown an interest in learning more about the teachings of the Germundun order.”

“Are these the same crystals that are used in Goa’uld technology?” Hammond asked.

“Yes. The quality of the crystals isn’t so great. They don’t last as long, but if you buy enough, you can just replace them as they fail.”

“Kinda like buying cheap batteries in bulk?” Jack said in a sarcastic tone.

Jacob chuckled.

“You could think of it that way.”

“So, what’s so bad about this city? And who are these Germans?” Jack asked.

“The Germundun are a holy order that basically manages the old part of the city, where the ruins are. They’ll be the ones Daniel will have to work with to find anything out. As for the city itself, well, let’s just say that if the natives have any reason to suspect your motives, you run the risk of getting thrown into their version of prison.”

Jack fought back the urge to roll his eyes and said, “Lemme guess…you have to work the mines?”

“Very good, Jack,” Jacob said with a nod.

“Anything else my people should be made aware of, Jacob?” Hammond asked.

“That pretty much covers it.”

“Right. And I’m what, your body guard?” Jack asked.

“No…that would bring too much attention,” Jacob said with a chuckle.

“So I’ll be what, your brother? I can do that.”

“No. That would seem too odd and we don’t want to bring attention to ourselves. It’ll just be Daniel and myself on this one.”

“Why can’t I go on my own?” Jack asked, a bit put out.

“Because, besides the fact that you’d stick out like a sore thumb, it’s just not necessary.”

Jack glanced once at Hammond, then back at Jacob.

“I don’t know that I like this.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got Daniel’s back on this one. What can go wrong?” Jacob said reassuringly.

“I can’t believe you just asked that question. I remember what happened the last time I let you and Daniel go off on your own,” Jack sighed in frustration. “Ok, fine. But the whole team goes with you, as backup. It’s that, or no deal.”

“There won’t be anything for you to do except wait.”

“I got my gameboy and I’m sure Teal’c and Carter can figure out a way to keep each other entertained.”

- - - - - - - -

Onboard the tel-tak, the team fell into a mundane routine during the many days it took them to reach the planet of Borelia. With only one day until they reached the planet, Daniel took the time to study the tablet Jacob had brought along and nursed a cup of coffee as he read. Sam and Teal’c worked on improving their poker game and Jack was doing his best to keep Daniel from becoming too engrossed in his reading by tossing bits of paper at him.

“Jack…I just received a long range communiqué from the Tok’ra and I don’t know that I’m going to be able to go on this mission myself,” Jacob said as he walked into the cargo area.

Jack stood and frowned, looking warily at Jacob.

“What’re you talking about?”

“Something’s come up and I’m needed at the council. We’re going to have to change plans a bit,” Jacob said with a hint of displeasure in his voice.

“Oh…okay…well then, what, I get to play proud papa to Daniel?”

Daniel looked up, set the tablet down and listened intently as he took a sip from his coffee mug. Jacob looked between the two of them and shook his head.

“No…you may be old, Jack, but nobody would believe you’re his father.”

Sam snorted as she fought back a laugh.

Jack bristled at that, shot his 2IC a quick glare before he returned his attention to Jacob.

“Brothers? Business partners?”

“No, actually. I’ve already set something up for you.”

“Oh?” Jack raised his eyebrows, then brought them back down and narrowed his eyes, “What’re you not telling me?”

“Well, I’ve arranged for you both to go as partners, of a certain kind.”

Jack raised just one brow this time.

“The ah…don’t ask, don’t tell kind.”

Daniel choked and spat out his coffee.

“What!? I’m not going,” he said, his voice indignant.

Jack sat back as he eyed Jacob. He then looked over at the rest of this team and his gaze finally settled on Daniel. A wicked grin formed on his lips.

“What? I’m not your taste?”

Daniel blinked once, then twice before he looked up slowly.

“Jack…that’s just not even funny to think about!”

Sam laughed aloud and Teal’c actually smiled.

“Okay…what?” Jack bristled, half as amused as his teammates and half irritated at their joviality. Carter kept laughing, even though he was glaring his best glare. “You don’t think I can do it? I was special ops trained…I can do gay.”

“Uh…sir, I wasn’t aware that was part of the curriculum,” she said as her laughter became a light chuckle.

Jack frowned, and then shot her another glare.

“Get your mind out of the gutter. I meant to say that I’m trained to play along, go with the flow and deal with whatever comes up in a mission.”

Daniel stood up and began to pace.

“No way in hell am I going down on that planet pretending to be your ‘partner’, Jack. That’s just crazy. I’ll never hear the end of it when we get back to base. No, no…I can just imagine the rumors.”

“Uh…Daniel…this isn’t leaving this room. Hell, this conversation isn’t leaving this spaceship,” Jack said very slowly.

He shot a warning glance Carter, who was still snickering. She sobered up, though a smile still played on her lips.

“Right…uhm…not even going to go on the mission report, is it, sir?”

“Damn straight!”

Carter pulled back her shoulders to give herself a little more height and looked Jack right in the eye.

“Straight. Yes sir, very straight, sir. Though, if I may, not too straight, or you might blow your cover. Sir,” she said as she broke out into a fresh round of laughter.

Jacob smiled at his daughter and then turned to look at Daniel.

“C’mon, Daniel. You’ve played the part of a slave before. You know it’s just for show. It’s just a cover and we’ll rendezvous with you in three days to pick you up.”

Daniel stopped pacing and turned to look at Jacob, his expression clearly showing he was highly offended at this new proposal. Jacob offered him a slow smile.

“Think about what we could gain once you start translating what’s there. This really could be the key to finding the Lost City.”

Daniel crossed his arms tightly about his chest. He looked away from Jacob and then shot a glare at Jack before he relented with a sigh.

“Fine. But Jack, I swear to God, if you touch me, I will never speak to you again.”

Jack grinned as he walked up to Daniel, patted him on his shoulder.

“I’ll be the perfect gentleman,” he said, reassuring him. He then lowered that same hand and pinched his archeologist’s ass. Jack couldn’t help but laugh at Daniel’s indignant outcry.


- - - - - -

Jacob had given them directions to the hotel they would be staying at. It was something of a famous establishment, owned and operated by one of the city leaders. In their room, this planet’s version of a bellhop left them with the assurance that he was available for anything they might need and they had only to leave a message for him downstairs. Once he left, Jack surveyed the room and looked around, checking for alternate exits and defensible positions.

“Bathroom,” Daniel mumbled as he peered into the small door opposite the bed. “Just one bed, huh?” he asked.

“Yep. I guess we can take turns with the bed and the floor. That sound okay to you?” Jack asked as he sat on the bed to test it out.

“Sure. Who gets the bed tonight?” Daniel asked as he set his bag down on the floor next to the bathroom door.

“I do. Age before beauty,” Jack declared with a grin.

Daniel rolled his eyes.

“You know we’re going to have to make sure it looks like both of us are sleeping in that bed.”

“What? Don’t want them to think we had a lovers’ spat?” he asked, his grin even wider.

Daniel rolled his eyes again.

“Forget it,” he said as he ran a hand through his short hair. “It’s still early enough and I want to head into the old part of the city where Jacob said they found that tablet.”

Jack nodded as he stood.

“Alright. I’ll go with you, then see if I can meet up with that Hancho guy.”

“Hanchu,” Daniel said.

“Right. Hanchu and talk crystals.”

“So, assuming everything looks good, we’ll meet back here in five hours?”

“That’s the plan.”

- - - - - - -

At the allotted five hours later, Jack found himself pacing the room. He frowned and looked down at his watch. Daniel was late and Jack was worried. At the twenty-minute mark, Jack made his way out into the old part of the city in search of Daniel. He found him engrossed in conversation with a short man dressed in a brown tunic.

Jack walked up behind Daniel, then remembered at the last minute their cover story and draped his arms loosely around his waist.

“Hello, Daniel. You’re late. Did you miss me?”

Daniel jumped at the unexpected and particularly intimate touch, and then belatedly realized to relax into it. He awkwardly patted Jack’s arm, before he settled his hand on Jacks forearm.

“Ah…Jack! You startled me. Um…I lost track of time. Sorry about that.”

Jack grinned, as he rested his chin on Daniel’s shoulder and gave him a squeeze around the middle.

“Who’s your friend?”

“Oh! This is Brother Merket. He’s been kind enough to help me translate some of the writings here.”

The monks’ eyes narrowed slightly as he looked between Jack and Daniel, but he nodded a greeting.

“It is good to meet you. Your friend here has a very sharp mind.”

Jack straightened and slid his hands up from Daniel’s waist to rest on his shoulders and gave him a good squeeze.

“Yes. He does.”

Brother Merket bobbed his head again.

“You are both welcome to join my brothers in our evening meal. As I said before, I would like to show you the library, Daniel. There are a great many books there that we have been unable to understand due to lack of knowledge. So much has been lost to the destruction time brings all things…”

“I’d love to go. Thank you,” Daniel said, not able to contain the enthusiasm in his voice.

Jack gave Daniel’s shoulders another squeeze.

“We’ll both be there tonight,” Daniel added.

Brother Merket nodded and made his way back into the city proper.

As Daniel and Jack made their way back through the winding streets of the city, Jack made sure to keep his arm draped around Daniel’s shoulders. Daniel gave Jack a sidelong glance and peered up at him over the rims of his eyeglasses.

“Laying this on a little thick, aren’t you?

“What? Are you kidding me? That guy was all over you.” Jack answered, unperturbed.

“What’re you talking about?” Daniel asked, unable to keep the exasperation out of his voice.

“That little guy was all up in your space. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice.”

Daniel suppressed a groan.

“Ah…he can’t see very well Jack. He had to lean in close to see what I was referring to.”

“Oh. Well…y’know, we do have a cover to keep and all,” Jack said.

Daniel sighed and leaned into Jack as they walked.

“Yeah, right.”

- - - - - - -

Dinner was a bland affair, consisting mostly of plain bread, something that looked like oatmeal but tasted like peas and something that passed as a meat of some kind. The monks were divided into two basic types; quiet ones that did not seem pleased to see the two new guests and talkative ones that kept Daniel’s attention most of the night. Jack had begun to get the feeling that the silent types just weren’t too happy with Jack being there. They all seemed to be very bright and he thought that even Carter might enjoy the conversation, whereas he was bored to tears.

As soon as dinner was over, Brother Merket invited Daniel to go see the library.

“It is not very far. Come, follow me.”

Jack stood to join them.

The halls were faintly lit and they took a great many turns deep into the complex until they came into a cavernous room. Shelves lined every possible inch of space and on those shelves were books, scrolls and data crystals.

Daniel gasped and then smiled broadly as he looked around the room.

“This is amazing. Is this all of it?”

“Oh no, Daniel,” Brother Merket said, seemingly pleased at Daniel’s reaction. “There is much more. There is a chamber just across from this one, and we keep the older records in a more secure location underground.”

Jack couldn’t help a grin as he saw the two men make their way behind one of the shelves, chatting animatedly.

After a little while, Jack’s bladder started to remind him that it needed some attention so he stepped out of the library in search of a bathroom. He found what passed as one down the hall and then thought a walk might work out great. Truth be told, he was curious to find out if there was anything interesting to know about this Germundun brotherhood.

During his little self-guided tour, Jack got more than he bargained for when he overheard angry voices in the distance. He quickly ducked into a recess in the wall and listened.

“And I tell you, this Daniel will add to our knowledge! Brother Merket assured us he was able to read the text in the ruins of the old city. Imagine how much more we can gain if we convert him.”

“And I tell you this is dangerous. He did not come alone…this companion of his could mean trouble. What will happen when Daniel chooses not to leave with him, eh? Will his friend cause us trouble with the city council? We cannot afford another such problem,” said another voice. “They will burn us to the ground…their precious crystals are all they care about anymore,” he scoffed.

“No! We cannot let him go. He is too valuable a resource. I say we perform the ceremony tonight. I insist,” spoke the first again.

“It may just be worth the risk…the knowledge this Daniel can help us discover may be the key to regaining the power we once wielded on the city council. If we could perhaps…assure ourselves that the other one would not be bothered by the change in his friend,” said a third man, this one with a softer voice.

“How do you propose we do that?” the second man asked.

“He does not need to leave here alive,” the third one said, his voice still soft.

Jack frowned. He stepped out of the alcove and headed quickly back over to the library where he found Daniel alone.

“Where’s your friend?”

Daniel looked up from the book he was reading and blinked a few times.

“Oh. Uh…somebody came to get him. Said he needed to talk to the head of the order here or something. He should be right back,” he said and turned his attention back to the book.

Jack reached over, grabbed him by the arm and gently pulled him up as he looked around the room.

“Um, Daniel, hate to break up your party here, but we gotta go.”

Daniel frowned, but let Jack pull him to his feet, though he pulled back his arm.

“What? Why?”

Jack leaned over and whispered even as he grabbed Daniel’s arm again.

“They’ve got some kind of ceremony planned for you that’s going to convert you over to them. Sound like something you want to do?”

Daniel’s eyes flew open at that and he shook his head quickly, standing up and set the book down on the table.

“Ah…no…I think we can go now.”

Jack nodded, lips tight in a grim smile as they headed out of the library. Amazingly, they did not pass anyone as they made their way through the dimly lit hallways. Unfortunately, their luck ran out as bells began to ring in the distance, so they took off at a run in the courtyard. Making their way out of the complex was surprisingly easy and they walked quickly through the streets.

A glance behind them showed dozens of men dressed in plain brown tunics filling the streets, presumably in search of them. As they moved away from the older part of the city, they encountered pockets of revelers in various states of drunkenness and undress, giving Jack the impression they’d just hit the red-light district. Having caught sight of several monks turning the corner, Jack suddenly pushed Daniel up against a shadowy wall and leaned in close to him.

“Keep still.”

With another quick glance behind him, Jack could see as six of the brothers fanned out in the street as they searched for them. Jack pushed him a few feet over where there was a recess in the wall and covered Daniel’s body with his own. As he pretended to kiss him, he felt Daniel stiffen beneath him.

“Keep still…they’re right behind us,” he whispered.

Playing up the part, Jack began to nuzzle Daniel’s neck, moving his arms to catch Daniel about the waist, pushing in closer to Daniel even as he heard the men calling to each other behind him. That’s right…nothing here for you to look at…just two people having some late night fun…that’s good…just keep walking…nothing to see here…and again, fortune was on their side tonight as the men walked down the street, having passed them unnoticed.

Jack straightened, took a quick look behind him, then pulled Daniel up and unconsciously held his hand as they walked back to the newer part of the city. It didn’t occur to him to wonder why Daniel looked so flushed. It didn’t occur to him to wonder why Daniel didn’t object to his hand holding the entire trip back to the hotel. His mind was still trying to keep track of where the six men were in relation to them as he led them back to where they were staying and he was fairly certain the religious fanatics wouldn’t try to pull anything in the hotel, especially as it was owned by the leader of the city council. Besides, their hotel was in a defensible area and they had their weapons stashed there. So it wasn’t until they were in the relative safety of the hotel that Jack’s mind began to process certain things that happened out in that darkened recess in the wall.

Jack watched quietly as an obviously pissed Daniel stalked out of the bathroom, still wearing pants, socks and shirt. His only consolation to comfort was the shirt was untucked and the shoes were off his feet. Daniel snatched the blankets and pillow Jack offered him and set them on the floor, lay down and got himself settled.

Jack leaned back in the bed, his arms tucked behind his head as he thought about what happened: Daniel got aroused. That was no sidearm. He felt it! Jack suspected that Daniel knew that he knew Daniel got aroused. This was why Daniel hadn’t said a word since they got back. Not even to complain about having lost access to that big library, or anything.

Jack sighed very softly and wondered what he could do to make this better for Daniel. His remembered how it felt to be pressed up against him and was amazed as his friend Mr. Sparky gave a sudden twitch. Uh…what the…hey you…go back to sleep. No need for you to be thinking about poor Daniel and how freaked out he obviously must’ve been to get a hard-on when I was all over him like that and uh… The little speech to Mr. Sparky didn’t do much more than make him perk up further.

Jack tried to sigh again but only succeeded in forcefully releasing a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He tried to make Mr. Sparky relax by thinking of the last technical briefing he had to sit through, but Daniel’s constant tossing and turning and clearing of his throat kept bringing his mind back to that street and that wall and how Daniel felt under his arms and dammit, there was just no way Mr. Sparky was going to let him get any sleep tonight at the rate he was going.

“Daniel, come sleep on the bed,” he said out of desperation.

The voice from the floor sounded plaintive.


“You’re not getting any sleep. You’re making too much noise and I’m not getting any sleep. The bed’s big enough for two. Come up here.”

“No,” Daniel repeated.

Jack took a deep breath and released it slowly.

“Daniel, listen…I know sometimes when a person gets scared their body can react in all sorts of weird ways.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jack. Go to sleep,” Daniel said after a moments’ hesitation.

“I’m just saying I understand and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. And you really should come sleep up here.”

“Jack, I…”

“…Got hard, Daniel. I know. And it’s okay. Fear can do that to you sometimes.”

“I wasn’t afraid!” Daniel said, extremely indignant.


It took a long while before Daniel answered.

“Oh…I uh…well.” He groaned and said something Jack could not understand.

Jack sat up in bed, looked down at Daniel and noticed he had a blanket pulled up to his chin and a pillow placed firmly across his face.

“What was that?” he asked.

“Jack, you, you, you were rubbing all over me and I, well, I, I, I couldn’t help it!”

Jack grinned at that and felt a bit smug.

“Oh…I was going for realism.” And when those words left his lips, Jack knew that Mr. Sparky was definitely not going to let him get any sleep tonight.

Jack lifted his blanket, peered down at his crotch and took a deep breath.


“Go to sleep, Jack.”

“I uh…I guess it’s been awhile for you and all. I should’ve thought about that,” Jack admitted.

“Jack…” Daniel said with a warning tone in his voice.

Encouraged by Mr. Sparky, Jack blurted out the question.

“Did you like it? Well…I guess you must’ve. I, uh…sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“Dammit, Jack! Stop it!” Daniel exclaimed, a bit breathless.

Jack wiped at his sweaty brow and ran both hands through his hair.

“I just thought maybe you wanted to talk about it.” He kicked the thin sheet off his body, shifted again and tried to get comfortable.

“Fine! You want to know? Yes, you rubbed up against me and I got hard. And yes, I liked…”

At Daniel’s admission, Mr. Sparky began to throb. Dammit all to hell!

“Well, uh…just so that you know I uh…I kind of liked it too.”

“Stop making fun, Jack,” Daniel mumbled from beneath his pillow.

“Well, I mean…I kinda realized I liked it after the fact, y’know?”

“No, I don’t know….uh….” Daniel said cautiously.

Jack cleared his throat as he felt Mr. Sparky strain against the fabric of his pants. He chuckled lightly as he loosened his belt and pulled the sheet back up to cover his waist.

“Yeah…uh…I really liked it. Um…sure you don’t want to share the bed?”

Daniel threw his pillow up to the bed and grunted as he pulled himself up. He glared at Jack as he dragged his blankets up behind him.

Jack grinned at him and patted the bed on the empty space next to him.

“I’ll be the perfect gentleman, I swear.”

Daniel eyed him suspiciously.

“Where’ve I heard that before?”

As Daniel slipped into the bed, Jack pulled back the covers and gave him an eyeful of exactly what he meant by ‘I really liked it’.


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