It's not like I don't know. But they don't know I know, and I have no intention of telling them I do.
Some days I think about it and wonder. Would I want to know, if I were her? Would it give me peace to know there was someone I didn't have to hide the truth from?
I decide that it wouldn't.
It took some doing, but she fixed it so she had to move out of her house and into Janet's.
I wish I had that courage where Daniel was concerned. But I don't. I can't lose my connection to the SGC, and he knows that.
He's never asked me to give it up. I don't think he ever will.
But I don't want him to.
So we keep dancing around what we both know is there between us, while people like Sam and Janet get on with their lives.
Move in together.
Even if it is under false pretenses.
But I know the truth.
I pick up the heavy box of dishware and haul it through the front door. Sam is waiting by the moving van, boxes scattered around her feet as she tries to put the boxes into the van opposite how she wants them to come out.
If it'd been up to me, I'd have just stuffed what I could get in there and to hell with organization.
But Sam and me are nothing alike. I'm almost embarrassed at how cowardly I feel when I think of what she's risking to be with the person she loves.
"Is that the last one?" she asks.
"Yeah." I carefully lower the box to the ground and look to the side. Daniel's there, handing off a box to Teal'c, who disappears into the back of the van.
"Hey, Jack, we just finished the rest of the kitchen stuff. Get a move on and bring that box of dishes over here."
I fight the eyebrows, but they rise despite my determination to ignore Daniel's deliberately obnoxious order. Daniel just grins. The skin around his blue eyes crinkles, and I wish....
I wish I weren't such a damn coward.
When the van is loaded, and Daniel and I are in my truck, following Sam and Teal'c in the van, I look over at him again, taking in the strong column of his throat, and the shadow of his day old beard.
I want to kiss him.
He turns at that moment, his mouth opening as if to say something, but the words never come out as his gaze catches mine. It's only a second, if that long, before I have to get my attention back to the road in front of me, but it's long enough. He's seen it, and I'm scared.
My fingers clench around the steering wheel and I stare straight ahead, memorizing the license plate of the U-Haul in front of me.
I can't look at Daniel, because I know I'll see pity.
Daniel is one of the bravest men I know, and if he'd wanted more than my friendship, he wouldn't have waited for me to find my courage.
-- the end --
|Summary:||It's moving day for Sam, and Jack comes to terms with the truth.|